True Friends

I am a bit frustrated with a certain friend of mine right now.

I feel like my presence in her life goes in ebbs and flows, and though she considers me important (Aaron and I are godparents to her daughter), I don't really feel all that important right now. I met her through church and usually catch up with her there, but she hasn't attended regularly in quite some time. Her husband has been bringing the kids because she chooses to use Sunday mornings to do her "long run" for her marathon training. Just last year she had a cancer scare. At that time, she only told a few friends, and I was one of them. I felt close to her again. That didn't last long. We moved to a new house earlier this year, and despite our close living proximity, it took her 4 MONTHS to come see us. At least 3 of my other busy friends found the time to visit me and offer help. Why not her? I realize marathon training takes a lot of time, but I also see pictures of her on Facebook attending other parties, Badger Games, etc. Should I feel slighted? And speaking of the marathon, I also contributed to the cause she is running for, but never heard any thank you or mention of it. This is a personal pet peeve of mine, to say the least.

Should I accept it for what it is and realize that she may be back when SHE needs ME again? Call her out? Grow distant? I am at odds...

Twilight Saga and Lady Gaga effect?

Yesterday I saw something so creepy it sent a chill throughout my body. I was making copies with a co-worker when her son (in his twenties, I'm guessing) came to visit. I had my back to them and heard her call over my shoulder that this was her son. I turned around to shake hands and my heart just about stopped. His eyes were a bright, almost glow-in-the-dark looking, blue. It reminded me of cat-eyes in the headlights (only blue) or those posters of vampire movies. I'm sure my face looked weird. I just said nice to meet you and got back to work.

Now why in the world would someone want to look like that? I confirmed with his mother that they were indeed contacts. Again, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? Clare also happened to be there and she just stared at him. I can't help but think that that is the normal response he encounters. I hear Lady Gaga also wears some unique kind of contacts that make her eyes look like characters in anime.

Life imitating art? I guess if you call that art. I still call it creepy.

Cooking

Cooking has been a pastime of mine for quite awhile now. When I was younger it used to be more about sweets - cookies, bars, cakes, etc. I like the whole process, from the measuring and getting a little creative, to the tasting. Yum!

When I became a mother, I realized that this pastime of mine is also very important. What I cook and bake for my family makes a difference in how they feel, learn, and act. Granted, they probably got the fast-metabolism genes of my other half and don't have to have family obesity hanging over their heads, but still. Lately we've all been hearing about the important of whole grains, the "right" fats, organic foods, and no preservatives. I take it upon myself to scour cookbooks and try to please the pallets of the household, even resorting to sneaking pureed veggies into familiar food. I realize that like most matronly tasks, this crusade of mine is mostly thankless. Perhaps someday my kids will appreciate the lengths I have gone to ensure good nutrition, but now it can be more of a grumbling match. This is not the biggest gripe I have.

Enter DH. Usually not a picky eater, he has one quality that I find not-so-endearing over the almost 11 years that we have been married. Compliments are few and far between. In the realm of cooking, this means I have little-to-no feedback on my "creations." Frustrating? Yes!!! I am not a mind reader, so how am I supposed to know if it's a thumbs-up or thumbs down? Occasionally if it's REALLY good, I will get instant feedback. Otherwise, nada. If cooking is my art, how am I supposed to learn and grow without feedback? It irks me to no end!!! Would an occasional pat on the back kill him?

Lately I have a new challenge in the kitchen. We bought a share in a local CSA (community supported agriculture) this year. Basically we get a box of fruits and veggies each week from now until October. It's been a great experience and we plan to do it again. My challenge is in the veggies that we get. We're all fine with green beans, onions, potatoes, carrots, and lettuce, but what to do with beets, turnips, summer squash, and the never-ending supply of cucumbers? Back to the cookbooks and turned up noses. Oh well. I guess I'll finish the turnip casserole by myself (not bad, by the way). Funny thing, no one seemed to complain about the beet brownies, except for maybe the color.

Vacation Bible School

Vacation Bible School is a pretty new concept to me. Growing up Catholic, I never attended nor even heard of VBS. Now that I am a Protestant, I come to find out that VBS is big business. Companies make programs and churches can "shop around" in the spring for the program they want. And BTW, the weekly programs are pretty cool. Lots of singing, crafts, videos, snacks, and of course, bible stories. The kids have gone to Vacation Bible School for a few years now, but this year I decided to use some of my vacation days and actually help out. Whew! I am craft leader, and after yesterday's 2.5 hour session I was ready to sleep the afternoon away. So much activity! The kids were good and the craft was pretty easy, but I'm just not used to that many kids at once. I have a whole new appreciation for teachers. Now to muster up the energy for the rest of the week...

High School Reunions

In a few months my high school class is having its 15-year reunion. Since I'm now on Facebook, many of these classmates have tried to "friend" me. Being the tough person I am and having my own ideas of what friends and "friends" are, no dice. This, however, could make for an awkward reunion if any of these folks are there and think I dissed them. It's nothing personal, just that if I didn't keep up with you over the years, why would I be interested in your daily news feeds? I like to keep my group of FB friends small and meaningful.

Anywho, it is interesting to check out the (public) photos of these classmates. Some are the same as I remember them, and some I barely recognize. I know that people change over the years, but why do I still imagine them as though they were in high school? For example, when I look at pictures of a guy that was kind of nerdy and annoying, I still feel annoyed with him. Maybe he's changed. But maybe not. I guess I'd have to go to the reunion to find out.

Why Can't I Let It Go?

I work with a certain someone who used to be a good friend of mine. Notice how I use past tense. We started at the company around the same time, sat near each other, and eventually struck up long conversations and went to lunch together. When I was pregnant with my first child, she orchestrated a surprise baby shower for me. She even gave me her used crib since her boys had outgrown it. During this time she was going back to school to get her bachelor's degree part-time since she never finished when she was younger. I always admired how she was able to balance it all, with two little kids, a husband, work and family life. Shortly after she finished her degree she started looking elsewhere for work. I couldn't blame her, and in fact encouraged her since her current position held no promise for a promotion of any kind. Lo and behold, she found another position and left the company. For 4 months. That's right, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be and our big wigs asked her back for another position that was now vacant. Apparently in four months she was really able to gain supervisory and advanced experience that qualified her for this position. If you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. Nonetheless I was happy for her. That is until she actually came back and acted like she was better than me. Keep in mind that in the way of totem poles, I was above her before (though I never cared) and in her return she was maybe my equal. Maybe. Anyway, she started treating me differently. She only went to lunch with people at or "above" her, didn't ask much about my personal life and was clearly trying her hardest to claw her way to the top. I found myself avoiding her since a simple question would be met with hostility at the most or shortness at the least. Suffice it to say we have grown apart.

The situation has only worsened over time. Whenever I hear her voice I cringe and swear under my breath. If I need a certain piece of information and my boss suggests that maybe she has it, I will do everything in my power to find it elsewhere. I am currently planning a small get-together at my house and intend to invite some work-folk, but have decided to keep her off the list. After all, my free time, my house, my choice. Why do I feel guilty about it?

What is really troubling me is that I still have all of this anger. I feel betrayed, and maybe I'm stuck in that anger stage of mourning her loss as a friend. We will never recapture the friendship we once had. Heck, maybe she was playing me all along and I only fell for it. Whatever the case, I'm fine with losing her as a friend. But why can't I get rid of the anger? Why can't I just let it go?

Extended family

So I've just received word that the kids will be getting two new cousins - one from each side of the family. I think it's great. More babies, and I don't have to do the work. I love my kids, but at this point I seriously can't fathom starting over again. I hate the question, "when are you having more? You new house has another bedroom!" People - that doesn't mean we have to fill it with another child! I'm one year away from having both kids in school full time. Babies? Not for me anymore. But best of luck to the preggo mothers. Oh, and I can't wait to hold the new arrivals (Dec and Feb)!