True Friends

I am a bit frustrated with a certain friend of mine right now.

I feel like my presence in her life goes in ebbs and flows, and though she considers me important (Aaron and I are godparents to her daughter), I don't really feel all that important right now. I met her through church and usually catch up with her there, but she hasn't attended regularly in quite some time. Her husband has been bringing the kids because she chooses to use Sunday mornings to do her "long run" for her marathon training. Just last year she had a cancer scare. At that time, she only told a few friends, and I was one of them. I felt close to her again. That didn't last long. We moved to a new house earlier this year, and despite our close living proximity, it took her 4 MONTHS to come see us. At least 3 of my other busy friends found the time to visit me and offer help. Why not her? I realize marathon training takes a lot of time, but I also see pictures of her on Facebook attending other parties, Badger Games, etc. Should I feel slighted? And speaking of the marathon, I also contributed to the cause she is running for, but never heard any thank you or mention of it. This is a personal pet peeve of mine, to say the least.

Should I accept it for what it is and realize that she may be back when SHE needs ME again? Call her out? Grow distant? I am at odds...

Twilight Saga and Lady Gaga effect?

Yesterday I saw something so creepy it sent a chill throughout my body. I was making copies with a co-worker when her son (in his twenties, I'm guessing) came to visit. I had my back to them and heard her call over my shoulder that this was her son. I turned around to shake hands and my heart just about stopped. His eyes were a bright, almost glow-in-the-dark looking, blue. It reminded me of cat-eyes in the headlights (only blue) or those posters of vampire movies. I'm sure my face looked weird. I just said nice to meet you and got back to work.

Now why in the world would someone want to look like that? I confirmed with his mother that they were indeed contacts. Again, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? Clare also happened to be there and she just stared at him. I can't help but think that that is the normal response he encounters. I hear Lady Gaga also wears some unique kind of contacts that make her eyes look like characters in anime.

Life imitating art? I guess if you call that art. I still call it creepy.

Cooking

Cooking has been a pastime of mine for quite awhile now. When I was younger it used to be more about sweets - cookies, bars, cakes, etc. I like the whole process, from the measuring and getting a little creative, to the tasting. Yum!

When I became a mother, I realized that this pastime of mine is also very important. What I cook and bake for my family makes a difference in how they feel, learn, and act. Granted, they probably got the fast-metabolism genes of my other half and don't have to have family obesity hanging over their heads, but still. Lately we've all been hearing about the important of whole grains, the "right" fats, organic foods, and no preservatives. I take it upon myself to scour cookbooks and try to please the pallets of the household, even resorting to sneaking pureed veggies into familiar food. I realize that like most matronly tasks, this crusade of mine is mostly thankless. Perhaps someday my kids will appreciate the lengths I have gone to ensure good nutrition, but now it can be more of a grumbling match. This is not the biggest gripe I have.

Enter DH. Usually not a picky eater, he has one quality that I find not-so-endearing over the almost 11 years that we have been married. Compliments are few and far between. In the realm of cooking, this means I have little-to-no feedback on my "creations." Frustrating? Yes!!! I am not a mind reader, so how am I supposed to know if it's a thumbs-up or thumbs down? Occasionally if it's REALLY good, I will get instant feedback. Otherwise, nada. If cooking is my art, how am I supposed to learn and grow without feedback? It irks me to no end!!! Would an occasional pat on the back kill him?

Lately I have a new challenge in the kitchen. We bought a share in a local CSA (community supported agriculture) this year. Basically we get a box of fruits and veggies each week from now until October. It's been a great experience and we plan to do it again. My challenge is in the veggies that we get. We're all fine with green beans, onions, potatoes, carrots, and lettuce, but what to do with beets, turnips, summer squash, and the never-ending supply of cucumbers? Back to the cookbooks and turned up noses. Oh well. I guess I'll finish the turnip casserole by myself (not bad, by the way). Funny thing, no one seemed to complain about the beet brownies, except for maybe the color.

Vacation Bible School

Vacation Bible School is a pretty new concept to me. Growing up Catholic, I never attended nor even heard of VBS. Now that I am a Protestant, I come to find out that VBS is big business. Companies make programs and churches can "shop around" in the spring for the program they want. And BTW, the weekly programs are pretty cool. Lots of singing, crafts, videos, snacks, and of course, bible stories. The kids have gone to Vacation Bible School for a few years now, but this year I decided to use some of my vacation days and actually help out. Whew! I am craft leader, and after yesterday's 2.5 hour session I was ready to sleep the afternoon away. So much activity! The kids were good and the craft was pretty easy, but I'm just not used to that many kids at once. I have a whole new appreciation for teachers. Now to muster up the energy for the rest of the week...

High School Reunions

In a few months my high school class is having its 15-year reunion. Since I'm now on Facebook, many of these classmates have tried to "friend" me. Being the tough person I am and having my own ideas of what friends and "friends" are, no dice. This, however, could make for an awkward reunion if any of these folks are there and think I dissed them. It's nothing personal, just that if I didn't keep up with you over the years, why would I be interested in your daily news feeds? I like to keep my group of FB friends small and meaningful.

Anywho, it is interesting to check out the (public) photos of these classmates. Some are the same as I remember them, and some I barely recognize. I know that people change over the years, but why do I still imagine them as though they were in high school? For example, when I look at pictures of a guy that was kind of nerdy and annoying, I still feel annoyed with him. Maybe he's changed. But maybe not. I guess I'd have to go to the reunion to find out.

Why Can't I Let It Go?

I work with a certain someone who used to be a good friend of mine. Notice how I use past tense. We started at the company around the same time, sat near each other, and eventually struck up long conversations and went to lunch together. When I was pregnant with my first child, she orchestrated a surprise baby shower for me. She even gave me her used crib since her boys had outgrown it. During this time she was going back to school to get her bachelor's degree part-time since she never finished when she was younger. I always admired how she was able to balance it all, with two little kids, a husband, work and family life. Shortly after she finished her degree she started looking elsewhere for work. I couldn't blame her, and in fact encouraged her since her current position held no promise for a promotion of any kind. Lo and behold, she found another position and left the company. For 4 months. That's right, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be and our big wigs asked her back for another position that was now vacant. Apparently in four months she was really able to gain supervisory and advanced experience that qualified her for this position. If you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. Nonetheless I was happy for her. That is until she actually came back and acted like she was better than me. Keep in mind that in the way of totem poles, I was above her before (though I never cared) and in her return she was maybe my equal. Maybe. Anyway, she started treating me differently. She only went to lunch with people at or "above" her, didn't ask much about my personal life and was clearly trying her hardest to claw her way to the top. I found myself avoiding her since a simple question would be met with hostility at the most or shortness at the least. Suffice it to say we have grown apart.

The situation has only worsened over time. Whenever I hear her voice I cringe and swear under my breath. If I need a certain piece of information and my boss suggests that maybe she has it, I will do everything in my power to find it elsewhere. I am currently planning a small get-together at my house and intend to invite some work-folk, but have decided to keep her off the list. After all, my free time, my house, my choice. Why do I feel guilty about it?

What is really troubling me is that I still have all of this anger. I feel betrayed, and maybe I'm stuck in that anger stage of mourning her loss as a friend. We will never recapture the friendship we once had. Heck, maybe she was playing me all along and I only fell for it. Whatever the case, I'm fine with losing her as a friend. But why can't I get rid of the anger? Why can't I just let it go?

Extended family

So I've just received word that the kids will be getting two new cousins - one from each side of the family. I think it's great. More babies, and I don't have to do the work. I love my kids, but at this point I seriously can't fathom starting over again. I hate the question, "when are you having more? You new house has another bedroom!" People - that doesn't mean we have to fill it with another child! I'm one year away from having both kids in school full time. Babies? Not for me anymore. But best of luck to the preggo mothers. Oh, and I can't wait to hold the new arrivals (Dec and Feb)!

Bosom Friends

Anne tipped the vase of apple blossoms near enough to bestow a soft kiss on a pink-cupped bud, and then studied diligently for some moments longer.
"Marilla," she demanded presently, "do you think that I shall ever have a bosom friend in Avonlea?'

"A--what kind of friend?"

"A bosom friend--an intimate friend, you know--a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul. I've dreamed of meeting her all my life. I never really supposed I would, but so many of my loveliest dreams have come true all at once that perhaps this one will too. Do you think it's possible?'

"Diana Barry lives at Orchard Slope and she's about your age."

-- Anne of Green Gables VIII
*****
I am a huge fan of Anne of Green Gables, though I haven't seen the movie or read the book in some time. And I totally know where Anne was going with this one. We have all kinds of friends in this lifetime and they each serve their purpose. But if each of us were lucky enough to have one "bosom friend" we could count ourselves among the most truly blessed. To me, my bosom friend is Kimberly. She totally gets me, and even though we can go long periods without talking, I know that we can pick up where we left off without any explaining. For that I love her, and she will always be my bosom friend.

Homemakers

It was not that long ago that I used to think, "What do stay-at-home moms, or 'homemakers' do after the kids are in school full time?" Well, I totally get it. There are some times that I wish I could have more alone time at home to just get the boring stuff done. Like groceries, bills, meal-planning, cooking, laundry, etc. I feel really torn on the days I have with the kids - should I do fun stuff with them or make them help me with chores? They're pretty good about doing their fair share, and they understand that it takes everybody pitching in to get it done. Still, I feel guilty. And being the super-organized person I am, I would love to take things to the next level, like freezing meals ahead of time, making a recipe database, sewing clothes and costumes, etc. Don't get me wrong, I really like my job and would never make it as a full-time stay-at-home mom. I'm just saying, I can't wait until Clare goes to Kindergarten and I get Monday afternoons and Fridays to myself. Am I horrible?

Endings and Beginnings

Today is a happy and sad day for me. It's Jonas's last day of Kindergarten. It has been such a wonderful year for him, and it's been great watching him blossom. Last night I went through the stack of papers that showed his educational progression and it is truly amazing. He went from writing a few words to writing paragraphs, not reading to reading level 1 and level 2 books, counting to doing math problems. He had a FANTASTIC teacher and I can only hope that he will be as blessed next year in his new school. An ending to a school year, a beginning to a relaxing, fun summer ahead of us.

On another note, today was a beginning for Clare - her first field trip to the park. Her first brown bag lunch (she was so proud of that!). Usually she is a slow starter in the morning and we have to constantly prod her along. This morning, she was dressed, backpack on, lunch bag in hand at 7:10! I'm so glad the weather is nice today. As long as the bugs leave her alone, I'm sure it will be a great picnic.

Charged

I'm beginning to think I carry a mysterious electromagnetic charge.

Case #1: This morning I tried to close the garage door and it kept re-opening. I got out and examined it and then realized that one of the "eyes" near the bottom of the door was not lit, thereby causing the problem. Since I had to get going, I called Aaron on the cell and told him the situation. When he got out to the garage the light was on and the door closed just fine.

Case #2: Yesterday when I turned on the radio in the van I noticed that the screen was going crazy. I could hear music OK, but the display kept scrolling and showing weird characters. When I turned off the radio and then on again, it still happened. Later I shut off the car and parked, and the next time I turned on the radio it was fine. Weird.

Case #3: Twice in the past several weeks the living room light/fan has gone out without warning. I went down to the breaker box to check things out when I heard Aaron promptly shout "It's on!" I didn't touch a thing. Again, weird.

Maybe I'm just paranoid, or maybe I watched too much Lost over the years. You be the judge.

Roles

Being a sister-in-law really stinks. I know my role as a sister: friend, confidant, adviser, cheerleader, shoulder-to-cry on. Likewise the roles of mother, daughter, and wife are clearly defined. But where does sister-in-law fit in? How do you try to get close, yet back away from the "true" sister relationship that exists? How do you say "you hurt me" without getting cut off and ignored. Real sisters are sisters for life. You can tell them what you think and though they may not like it, in the end they will come back to you. At least that's the way it is with my sisters. Funny how I've been a sister-in-law for nearly 11 years and I'm still trying to fit in. I wish this journey wouldn't be so painful. If only I didn't care so much.

Christmas card list

This weekend I made a decision. No longer will a certain acquaintance from high school be on our family Christmas Card list. I'm not exactly sure how she got on the list in the first place, but said person faithfully sends us a card each year. Do we have much, if anything, to say to each other? No. Do I care about what is going on in her life? Not really. She is known to be a person of gossip, and I sneakily suspect that she uses our annual letter in conversations with town folk at her leisure. I saw her at a wedding over the weekend and she didn't even say hello. I'm sure the alcohol consumption on her part didn't help, but I am no longer making excuses. If she chooses to send a card each year fine. But don't expect me to reciprocate.

It's a start

My good friend from college inspired me to start a blog. I'm sure she doesn't realize her part in this yet, but she regularly blogs, and I truly enjoy reading her posts. I feel closer to her, if only in thought. Then I realized that she doesn't have such a tool to read my thoughts, hence this blog. I've never been one to consistently keep a journal - mostly because I'm lazy and don't like to write. Typing is another matter, though, and since I spend so much time in front of a computer, I have no excuse not to utilize this medium. Will anyone read this blog? Hard to say. But if it helps me get things off my chest and try to reconnect with the English language, the purpose will not be lost. To my unknown audience - welcome to my random thoughts!